Finding my True Voice

2009

2009-03-04T07:22:00.000-08:00

It has been way too long since I have posted anything. I hope that in the days ahead I can get back to posting regularly as I was before.
I can't believe that March of 2009 is already here. This year is already flying by...it seems Christmas was just over and we were ringing in the New Year. The first couple of months of 2009 have been a difficult time for me and my family. We have all been sick with something; flu, cold, sinus infections, etc., passing it around to one another and back again. I think now we are all well...for the first time since Dec. 19, 2008.
I have been in the Word on a regular basis, however not daily as I would like to be. I have put together a new schedule for myself and am hoping and praying that God will give me the stamina, strength and desire to accomplish the schedule. It is not grueling or anything like that, it is just a healthy schedule that gives me a good, rounded day with the Lord at the center of my focus.
I ask for your prayers. I have not been diligently looking for my true voice and even though it is there, I have missed the daily "workouts".
I hope that life is being kind to all of you and I pray that something I type on here will be uplifting to someone each day.
May all of you be blessed as you go through your days with our Father.

Take a Deep Breath!

2008-10-24T08:09:00.001-07:00

Sometimes people do things that hurt us. Sometimes they do it intentionally and sometimes they don't even know they have done it. I am sure that I have done things to hurt people and I didn't realize it. I also know that I have hurt people intentionally, sometimes because I have been hurt and am lashing out and other times it is just the flesh in me coming out and I don't keep things in check.

It is hard to forget the times that someone has hurt you. Even though you might forgive them, when something comes up and that button is pushed, it is like going through the pain of being hurt all over again. Ever experience this? I don't think that I am the only one who has. It is no fun to go through the pain of "old stuff".

I am trying to be more conscious of how I treat people, even when I am having a hard time. I am going to double check the words of my email and think how it might come across to someone that I have hurt in the past...could it possibly trigger one of their buttons? Could it cause unnecessary pain for them to relive? I can't be responsible for how someone deals with their "stuff", but I can be sensitive and loving.

I encourage you and challenge you all to think twice before you say something, before you type and send off that email in frustration. Take a deep breath and pray that God will bring you to the point where no matter what this person might have done or said, you can still treat them with love and kindness.

ALIVE!

2008-10-14T05:10:00.001-07:00

Being alone is not something that I enjoy. Sure, I like my quiet times in the morning and I even enjoy the short spurts of being home alone when the house is all quiet and I can do whatever I want (this doesn't happen very often). I also enjoy going shopping or to the bookstore alone at times, but all in all, I do not desire to spend my days by myself. This is because God designed us to be bonded to others. It is what keeps us "alive". If we are alone and not in relationship with others, we will become stagnant, not growing, essentially dead. When we are in loving relationships with others, we are alive and growing. When we are not, we are slowly dying inside. On my desk, I have a small picture frame that says, " Above all else guard your heart for it is the well spring of life" Proverbs 4:23 .

Hmmm....if our heart is the well spring of life and we are designed to be in relationship with others then our heart is essential to living. I am not talking about being physically alive, we all do that everyday, I am talking about being ALIVE!!! There is no other word for it other than ALIVE!!!

It is impossible to be ALONE and be ALIVE! It can't be done. God made us to be in community and relationship together. But our natural tendency when we feel tension or friction in any situation is to pull away. When we have tension in our jobs or at home, we pull away, when we have tension with others, we pull away from them. That is the last thing we ought do. God wants us to go to one another and express our needs and desires. He wants us to draw close to one another and bond. This is very important for us to grow. He also desires us to reach out to others. Show others that we care by being there for them, especially when they are just doing everyday life. Usually we tend to be in our own little worlds until something drastic happens. Someone gets sick or has a family emergency. Someone loses their job or has an accident and we go running to their aid. This is wonderful and I am not saying that we shouldn't do this, but why only when there is an emergency?

There are many things in life that set us back and we all usually go running to one another to help out. But when the "shock" of what has happened wears off and we get back to our normal lives, the person that needed us seems to be holding up okay or we see so many others helping, we think that we aren't needed. This is so not true. We need to be in fellowship daily whether there is a "storm in our life" or not. Especially when there is not a storm in our lives, because that is when we become stagnant, that is when we become dead and not growing.

I Needed to Listen

2008-10-04T08:49:00.001-07:00

2 Timothy 1:3-7

Verse 7: For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but a spirit of power, love and self-discipline.

Gods words are important, they change our hearts. When our hearts are changed our lives are changed.

God is in control of everything that happens to me. Do not be fearful, even of satan, he cannot touch me because I belong to God.

God has not given me a spirit of fear, He has given me a spirit of Love. It is God's love that motivates us to do the work of the church. Not because we want to, it is Gods love that makes us do it.

We need to remember that not only do we have God's love, but we have God's power too. When we try to do things in our own power, we mess up. Along with His power, He gives us a sound mind; that is the result of Gods power and love. He helps us to do His work.

God has promised He will never leave me nor forsake me.

God is my leader and guides me with His Word. God's Word is important for me to grow.

I have no fear today because God has given to me His love, power and as a result I have a sound mind

If I am afraid, then I do not have Gods love in my heart.

Thank you Joan......I needed to listen.

Honoring God With My Life

2008-09-22T05:37:00.001-07:00

I am constantly struggling with wondering if I am doing what I am supposed to or if I am doing something wrong. I believe that it is a product of my upbringing...we learn at a very young age to try to please others. This is something that is usually ingrained in us very early on. We want to please our parents or care givers, our teachers and our friends as we get a little older. This is a way of life, I believe, for all of us. Some of us learn to break out of this mind set as we go into adulthood and others get so ingrained in it that we don't even see it anymore. I am not talking about being respectful, I am talking about totally losing ourselves and who God made us to be because we want to please others in our lives. Society calls it co-dependency....I call it "people pleasing". This is one of my struggles. I don't want anyone mad at me for any reason and I also want to do things the way that I think is right or the best way. Well, if you want me to do something one way and I believe there is a better or a righter (made up word) way, I am in a mess because, in the end, one of us is not going to be happy. This battle in me goes on often and sometimes I win and sometimes you win. I pray often about this as I know that there is a lesson in here for me. My Father God often teaches me through things such as this...daily stuff that I do over and over again and then one day He opens my eyes. Sometimes with a two by four upside the head, but most often with a gentle whisper that stuns me.

This morning, during my quiet time, I was just thumbing through my bible. Mostly reading stuff I have written out in the margins or stuff that I have underlined. This is what I came upon....

Written in bright blue pen and highlighted in yellow, "DO SOMETHING", and then scripture below it is also underlined and highlighted.

This is Paul speaking ...."as for me, it matters very little how I might be evaluated by you or by any human authority. I don't even trust my own judgment on this point. My conscience is clear, but that doesn't prove I'm right. It is the Lord himself who will examine me and decide."....it goes on later to say..."I am not writing these things to shame you, but to warn you as my beloved children. For even if you had ten thousand others to teach you about Christ, you have only one spiritual father."

It is not our job to please others, even though it is something that we naturally want to do. Our job on this earth is to please Father God. To Honor Him with our lives. This should be our one & only purpose. Then everything else falls into place..kind of like the rice and the walnuts.

1 Corinthians 4: 20 ~ For the Kingdom of God is not just a lot of talk; it is living by God's power. Which do you choose?"

A Life of Drudgery vs. An Abundant Life!

2008-09-17T05:06:00.001-07:00

The last week or so has been a difficult week. Not so much has happened, just everything has been difficult. Trying to schedule all that needs to be done in a day, keeping the girls on track with school, getting things done at the office, just normal daily stuff, even getting out of bed each morning and getting to bed each night at a decent hour has been a struggle. This is what I call "doing life on my own". I haven't been in the Word in about a week. Everyday, I say, "I have got to get up in the morning and have my time with the Lord", and every morning I am beat, dead dog tired and don't get up. Why am I so tired? Because I don't go to bed early enough. Why don't I go to bed early enough? Because I am watching TV or reading a book or doing some other "lame sauce" thing (this is one of my teenagers favorite terms) that fills my time, or wastes it...however you want to look at it.

My life this past week has been a reflection of my time with Father God or rather a reflection of my time "WITHOUT" Father God.. This is a perfect picture for me of the difference between a life of drudgery and an "ABUNDANT LIFE".

A few years back...okay maybe more than a few, I saw an example that just blew me away. Maybe you have seen it, but I still think it is a good reminder for all of us. My husbands uncle had a quart jar, 3 large walnuts and about 4 cups of rice. The jar represented a person. The rice represented all the things in that persons life, work, spouse, children, friends, church, etc. And the walnuts represented the Father, Son & Holy Spirit. First, he put all the rice in the jar and then proceeded to try and put the walnuts in.....wasn't going to happen. There was no room for the walnuts with all that rice in there. But then he took the rice out, put the walnuts in first and then poured the rice in....IT ALL FIT! Everything went in and he didn't even have to force anything. This shows that if we put Christ first in our lives, everything else will fall into place as it should.

Father God, I don't want to do life without you. I know that I have been filling my time with other things and it is causing me to "pull away". Not because I want to, but because I am putting other things first. You are my strength, my rock, You are my light and my peace. You are my joy. You provide everything for me. All I have to do is receive it. Thank you!

Treasure in Fragile Clay Jars!

2008-09-04T06:15:00.001-07:00

Sometimes when I start a post I have no idea what I am going to write down. Other times I can't hardly wait to get my hands on the keyboard, worried that I am going to forget what is coming so fast into my mind and heart. Well, today is one of those days when I have no idea what I am going to write. There are many different things running through my mind, it is hard to narrow down a topic, so I will just start and we will see what comes out.

The last couple of weeks has been one of gloomy, dark, rainy weather, incredible flooding, hurting people, hungry people, dying people, despair everywhere. We have been covered up with the storms coming through here in the Caribbean. I really have nothing to complain about in comparison to what the people around me are going through, but the truth is that I am human and my struggles, however lame, are still very real to me.

Here I am in the middle of a third world country and it is pouring down rain on an already very saturated land and I am not a happy camper. I don't like rainy weather very much. I don't like cold weather either and I really don't like mud and yuck. It causes all kinds of irritations and frustrations.The kids want to go out and play in the rain and ride their 4 wheelers and get all muddy and gross. Then they are cold and they want to come in the house and have hot cocoa and watch TV or play video games...all in wet muddy clothes. I am not talking about just my kids, but every kid on the mission center. Don't get me wrong, I love kids and I am glad that they come here to hang out and have fun, but the mud and rain just makes everything so yucky! Yesterday was the first day that we have had any really good sunshine in several weeks. This morning, I awoke and even though I was tired because I stayed up too late last night, I bounded out of bed at 5:20am to get going with my day. I got the girls up and fed and off to volleyball at 6am and then went for coffee and my bible. In the middle of getting this all done, I thought to myself, "I haven't felt happy like this in many days, what is different?" It dawned on me that the weather has been gloomy for just about the whole time that I have been feeling kind of glum. Funny how we let these little disturbances in the weather affect our mood. Now, I could "should" myself all day long and say things like, "oh I shouldn't let the weather affect me like that," but the reality is that little things like that do affect us and how we act and respond. No sense in avoiding the truth, but I did go to my bible to see if my Father God had anything to say about this. I looked up "gloomy", it isn't in the bible, at least not in mine, let me know if you find it in yours. Then I looked up despair...sounds kind of drastic for the little bit of gloom that I have from the weather....anyway, this is where God took me.

I found myself in 2 Corinthians 4. The heading in my bible for this chapter says, "Treasure in Fragile Clay Jars". Well the fragile clay jars of my world have been soaked with rain in these past days and everything is droopy and falling apart, I need a little sunshine to brighten things up. This is what God said to me:

"We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves. We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed. Through suffering our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies." 2 Corinthians 4: 7-10

This is exactly what has been going on with me these last few weeks with all the rain and gloom. But, the sun shines today and God does come out on top and He will bring us with Him if we will just go. Yeah!!!! I am going with Him. I like coming out on top.

I realize that the gloomy, dark feeling that I have been experiencing is not really from my kids and the mud and wet clothes, but it is from the destruction and despair that is all around me here in this country that is so devastated by the storms. These people are really suffering and I have compassion in my heart for them. I want to fix it all. Later in chapter 4 it goes on to say:

For our present troubles are small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever. So we don't look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.

This is our hope! This is what we must focus on in the midst of struggles and gloom and despair. This is how these people here get through devastation like we have seen this week. It doesn't matter how great or small our struggles are, if we focus on them, we will be taken down in the muck and the mire, but if we focus on the promises of the Father, we will come out on top because He always does.

May you be blessed and bless someone along the way today!

The Shelter of the Most High!

2008-08-21T04:31:00.000-07:00

What better place to be than in the shelter of the Most High. When I think of that statement "the shelter of the Most High", I think of being totally and completely protected, covered and sheltered from every storm, every trial. Then my thoughts turn to thinking that I won't have to endure any of the pain and anguish that might come along from them, I think of being held and carried, protected from any pain that might accompany them and definitely never alone. Somewhere along the way, my thoughts have turned to myself and thinking about me and what I can get from the "shelter". How can I be cared for, etc.? But is that what life is really all about? Is this what it truly means to be in "The Shelter of The Most High"? I have found that my thinking starts out right, but then satan gets in there and does his twist on things and gets everything all topsy turvy. Then before I know it, my thoughts are pretty "fleshy" thoughts.

I am a pretty strong person, well I like to think I am and most people who know me will tell you the same. I often wonder about those people who say that, are they giving me a compliment or are they critizing me? Is that a positive thing or a negative thing? I had someone tell me once (about 15 years ago), "...when you walk into a room, people see a person with lots of strength, someone who has it all together, someone who has goals and desires and knows how to reach them, but what they don't see is that you are falling apart on the inside". His comment was kind of like the phrase many of us have heard at some point in our lives, "never let them see you sweat". Well, I am truly that kind of person. I don't want anyone to know of my struggles or trials because the flesh part of me thinks they will believe that I am a wimpy, weak person. Sounds like my "fleshy" thoughts that I mentioned above were driving my life. But as I am getting older and learning that I am not as strong as I thought I was, nor do I want to be, I am realizing that my true shelter does not come from me being strong or even giving the appearance of being strong, it comes from the Shelter of the Most High.

I have begun sharing my deepest struggles with those who are closest to me. I am learning that others have the same struggles. It is sad and refreshing at the same time. Here we are running around thinking that we are going through all these struggles and no one has any idea what we are going through, but the truth is, WE ARE ALL GOING THROUGH THE SAME THING. Sure our struggles are different and some of us have more struggles than others, but we are all struggling. It only makes sense that we would lean on one another and share with one another in order to allow God to work through us to reach others. But you see, our pride gets in the way....if we admit that we have struggles or that we need help or that we are "falling apart on the inside", then people might think that we are less than we are. Not true!!! That is what satan wants us to believe. People who are truly walking with the Lord and have His spirit will not think we are less than we are, they will love us and care for us and they will be a shelter for us. These people that come to our aid when we are struggling, they are the ones that God is living through, they are someone tangible that God has placed in our midst so we can feel the Shelter of the Most High...through them.

I am living in the Shelter of the Most High and my prayer is that by sharing my struggles and victories with others, maybe they too will come to rest under the shelter of the Most High!

Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty. Ps. 1:1

A Clean Slate!

2008-08-19T04:37:00.000-07:00

Do you ever wish that you could turn back time, or go back and do something different? Maybe do things different with your children when they were little. Or maybe you wish that you could go back to your young adult years and get that degree from college that you always wanted but never pursued. Maybe you are still a young adult and are not getting that degree that you always wanted but feel it is too late to start now because everyone is younger and you would be starting late. Ever wish that you could change the outcome of a friendship gone bad because of a misunderstanding? Or wish that you could have handled a situation differently and not let your emotions drive you? Ever wonder what it would be like to just sit back and say, "ok God, I have gotten myself into this situation and now I am asking You to lead, guide and direct my every word and action, because I don't know how to do it" and then let Him do it, really? Do you think God would do it? If you really meant it and allowed Him to, He would. Our problem is that we start out with good intentions of surrendering everything to Him and when we get into it and things aren't going the way we think they ought to, we snatch them back and start with our own ideas, words, actions, etc. This is where we mess up. This is our downfall, or least it is my downfall. I have very good intentions of surrendering everything to Him and right smack dab in the middle of what I just prayed for, I snatch it all back from Him and decide to do it "my way".

The other day, someone in our organization asked me for some information. Information that only I could give because it was personal to my position here on the field. I put the information in email form and sent it on to this person. Some of the information was regarding my position on the field and what I see as my duties here. Basically, I told the person what I see as my duties and then proceeded to tell them that I didn't think the home office had any intention of me doing some of these things that I desire to do (yet, previously I had been told face to face that I would be doing these things). The person responded with an email not too long after I sent mine saying "it seems that you have gotten back into your old thinking". WHAM!!! Wake up call ! Well, I got called on my stuff and I am grateful for it. This is how easily we slip back into our old ways. I didn't even realize that I was allowing satan to drive my thinking and I was not relying on the Lord for my guidance. We all need friends like this who will call us on our stuff and we need to be the kind of friend who will call others on their stuff. In Jude, starting in verse 20 it says, "But you, dear friends, must build each other up in your most holy faith, pray in the power of the Holy Spirit and await the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ, who will bring you eternal life. In this way, you will keep yourselves safe in God's love. And you must show mercy to those whose faith is wavering. Rescue others by snatching them from the flames of judgement". This is what my friend did for me, he rescued me from my old thinking. That is showing God's love. This person allowed God's love to flow through him and spill out into my life.

I believe that the last year has been an opportunity for me to have my slate cleaned, an opportunity to start over in many areas of my life. This is an opportunity that we don't often get in life. We can't go back and change things that we did in our lives as young parents or how we might have handled a misunderstanding with a friend from years ago, but we can start today with a clean slate. We have a clean slate with God every moment. He offers us grace and peace and forgiveness and asks us to allow Him to be our guide and at the moment that we allow Him in to do that, our slate is cleaned. Even if we allow Him in and then take it right back, He is willing to do it over and over again. That is how much He loves us. Have you ever had someone do something to wrong you? something that was hurtful or deceitful? I have and I think we probably all have. If they came to you and said, "I messed up and I am sorry, I need your forgiveness", would you forgive them, would you allow them back into your life? Probably the first time they did this you would, but after two or three times, you would quit allowing them back into your life. But God is not like that. We do things every day that hurt Him, things that are not right. We say and do things that are not Godly to ourselves and to others. This is hurtful to God, it breaks His heart to see and hear us do and say such things to ourselves and to others. However, God lets us continue to come back and is always willing to wipe the slate clean and start again. No matter how many times we take it back, we can always go back to Father God and say, okay I am ready for you to be the leader of my life, and He will.

Allowing Him to navigate and show me the way has been a "process" for me. It probably is for most people. It is a constant surrendering of whatever is going on in my life at any particular moment. Some days I can go most of the day and not snatch it back from Him, but most days, I have to surrender a million times over and over to Him. And you know what just amazes me so much, each time I surrender, my slate is clean. He starts fresh with me, loving me unconditionally, guiding me and directing me with no guilt or condemnation. He is beside me and faithful to complete the good work that He has started in me.

Now all glory to God, who is able to keep you from falling away and will bring you with great joy into His glorious presence without a single fault. All glory to Him who alone is God, our Savior through Jesus Christ our Lord. All glory, majesty, power, and authority are His before all time, and in the present, and beyond all time! Amen! Jude vs. 24-25

Signed, Sealed and Soon to be Delivered!

2008-08-13T04:42:00.001-07:00

I mentioned in an earlier post of the adjustment of coming back to the field after being stateside. I want to expound on that a bit this morning. Here in Haiti, there is definitely an atmosphere of the "Island Life". There is so much to do and people move at a snails pace. The pace of life in the USA is so much faster and as a result, many more things are accomplished in a day. Well, adjusting to this "island life" feel is somewhat stressful at times. You might think it is like being on vacation, and it is for a while, but as life takes shape and you develop your daily routines, it is not like a vacation at all. I am not even back working in my normal job yet and am already somewhat frustrated with the things that this little island brings in its lacksidaisical mood. I will adjust, I usually do, but it does take time.

In my bible study this morning, I was reading how the Spirit seals us. Then I started thinking, what does "sealed" really mean? We seal a jar to keep mango jelly fresh, we seal envelopes when we mail a letter to protect it's contents until it arrives at the destination, we seal a tupperware container when putting it in the refridgerator so the food will stay fresh. Sometimes we shake hands with someone when we agree on something, this is another form of sealing. Christ tomb was sealed. I turned to my bible to see what I could find on "sealing". In Eph. 1:13, it says, "Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit". It goes on to say later in Eph. 4:30 "Remember, he has identified you as His own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption". This seal that we have from God is the seal of the Holy Spirit. In Romans, it talks about how the Spirit joins himself with our spirits to say we are God's Children. This is our guarantee that we are not alone. The Holy Spirit is right with us all the time. Sometimes, I know that the Spirit is with me. I have a spring in my step and I feel secure and safe...even when I make a mistake or something bad happens, I am sure that the Spirit is with me. However there are other times when I don't feel so sure....

In my frustrations of getting used to Island Life again, I have sometimes felt very alone, even though I know that God is with me and I am certain of His love for me and do not doubt that. In Romans chapter 5 it talks about the hope we have in Christ. In 5:5 it says, "And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with His love". We belong to the Father. Signed, sealed and soon to be delivered. Here is the seal again. But the feeling of aloneness still creeps in at times and if you are like me, I don't even know what to say in my prayers. But let me share with you what it says in Romans 8:26-27, "And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don't know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groaning that cannot be expressed in words. And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God's own will. WOW!!! I haven't ever been to court for anything, but I can imagine what it would be like to have someone up there pleading for my case. Someone saying the words that I can't seem to come up with. Someone standing up for me when I am being accused and don't know what to say or do. Someone speaking the desires of my heart when I am not even sure what they are. The Holy Spirit does our praying for us, making sense out of our prayer to God. When we mumble and stumble all over our words not knowing what to say or what is really in our hearts, much less how to get it out, the Holy Spirit does it for us. He is connected to our spirit and knows our deepest desires. This is just amazing to me. Talk about a seal. This is an incredible seal and guarantee that we are not alone. We have someone standing with us all the time, protecting us, fighting for us, an advocate for us. Someone who knows our needs even when we are adjusting to the island life and don't even know what those needs are
Now that is just AWESOME!

Doing My Part!

2008-08-11T04:52:00.000-07:00

Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other's faults because of your love. Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace. For there is one body and one Spirit, just as you have been called to one glorious hope for the future. There is one Lord, one faith, one baptism, and one God and Father, who is over all and in all and living through all....Eph. 4:2-6

...then we will no longer be immature like children. We won't be tossed and blown about by every wind of new teaching. We will not be influenced when people try to trick us with lies so clever they sound like the truth. Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church. He makes the whole body fit together perfectly. As each part does its own special work, it helps the other parts grow, so that the whole body is healthy and growing and full of love. Eph.4:14-16

I pray that I will do my part today!

What Kind Of Fuel Are You Running On?

2008-08-09T05:03:00.000-07:00

I was reading in a Max Lucado book this morning called "Come Thirsty". I have read this book probably a dozen times and everytime I read it I find something that wasn't in there before. It just amazes me that we see things when God is ready for us to see them.

The story in "Come Thirsty" was about people who are saved, yet spiritually unsaved. What that means is they accept the free gift of Christ Jesus, but then they take over and are trying to do life on their own strength.

I am the kind of person who likes to make things fit together, find solutions, look for the missing part or piece. I am a problem solver, that is one of my greatest strengths. If there is something that needs to be taken care of, I am right in there with ideas and suggestions to make it right. Sometimes, I don't even look at all aspects before I start trying to find a solution. I am often so confident that I have the answer, I don't even listen to other peoples suggestions. Then I come across as a "know it all". UGH!!! This is one thing about myself that I really don't like. This is where satan knows that he can "get me".

Here is where I go wrong, I forget that the ability to solve problems is a gift that God gave me and the only fuel that it will run well on is the fuel that I receive from Him.

In Galations 3:3 it says: "How foolish can you be? After starting your Christian lives in the Spirit, why are you now trying to become perfect by your own human effort?

Living The New Life!

2008-08-08T04:37:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wake up and start my journaling and prayer time and I feel all out of things to say. Often, I feel almost guilty about asking for certain things or wanting Father God to fulfill a desire that I have because there are many people who have many more struggles than I could ever imagine. I think about all the people that I have known who have or have had cancer, who have lost children or a spouse or both. People who have lost their jobs and haven't worked in months or even years. Those who struggle to put food on the table and their hearts break because they have to tell their children no they can't play on the basketball team or they can't try out for cheerleading because there isn't money for those things. I sometimes feel guilty because I have so much. No, we aren't rich by any means, not even close, and there are many months when we wonder how we are going to make it until the next payday. However, we do have food on the table every day, clothes on our backs, and shoes to wear. We don't have alot of "extras", but we have enough and my kids get to do some fun stuff too. I have to tell them no many times because there just aren't funds to cover the amount of activity they would do or the things they would buy if we allowed them. But wouldn't we all do that? If we had an unending supply of money, wouldn't we do all the things that we desired? I have never had money to blow, but I can imagine that I would probably not do too well if I did. Teaching our children to understand that we need to be good managers of the money that God has given us is something that is not always easy for them to understand.
Well, back to this morning. I didn't even know where to start in my journaling, prayer time or much less where to read in my bible. I did my journaling more as routine than a time of being with the Father, which is very unusual for me. Towards the end of my time alone with him I asked him to speak to me what He wants me to hear. Somehow I was drawn to Colossians chapter 3. It just amazes me how God will speak to us if we just take the time to listen and follow. In my bible the title at the beginning of chapter 3 in Colossians is "Living the New Life". As I started reading these verses, I realized that I often focus only on the things of this earth. Like this morning, my prayers were for protection for my children, the two here in Haiti and the two that are back in the states . Protection for my husband (crazy man is out sailing in the ocean for 2 days). Prayer for my older daughter as she is still struggling with her tonsils and allergies. Asking for the heat & humidity to not be so bad. And then I realized that my prayers were very shallow. Don't get me wrong, I believe that Father God wants us to share our concerns and desires, but He also wants us to focus on what He has for us, not here on this earth, but the promises of our life with Him. We are new creations in Christ, we have been raised to new life with Him and our sights are to be set on the realities of Heaven not on the struggles of this earthly life. Instead of begrudging the troubles this earthly life brings us, maybe we ought to listen to them. Allow our struggles to remind us that our days here are only temporary. Use these trials to remind us that peace is coming...complete and unending peace. This life on earth is only for a time.
In Colossians 3, it goes on to say that we are to put on our new nature, and be renewed as we learn to know our Creator and become like HIM! And then He tells us exactly what to do starting in verse 12; "Since God chose you to be the holy people He loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Make allowance for each other's faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.
He goes on with more instruction and I encourage you to go and read all of Colossians chapter 3. There is alot of hope in there and when we are struggling through our trouble's in this life, this passage might help you have a new perspective on the things of the day. It did me!
Everyday, no matter what it holds, is a day that carries us closer to the day our Father will come.

I Want To Be Weak Today!

2008-08-06T05:04:00.000-07:00

I just started a study on David yesterday. I have had the book for about 2 years, but never found the time to open it up. I am glad that I am doing it now.
During my time this morning and in my study of David, I reflected on my life and the events of it. It seems as though my life has been a series of events that one would think would make me lean on Him for my strength, that has not been the case. In my life I have always been strong willed, strong minded, physically strong, strong in my beliefs and any other way that one can be strong. I am finding though that my strength is just not enough. It seems the stronger I get, the weaker I am. I am finding as I grow weaker in these areas, that is where true strength is, that is where God is. This doesn't mean that I get rid of who I am, who God made me to be, however it does mean that I allow Him to be my strength. I am allowing God to guide and steer me and sometimes things don't work out like I thought they would or even should, but this life is not about me is it? It is all about HIM!
God prepared my life ahead of time. He prepared yours ahead of time too. Before we were born, God knew exactly what he was going to do with our lives. When we are little children, we are guided and protected by our parents. Their job is to teach us to basically care for our selves on a daily basis. They are to teach us basic morals & values and guide us to the Father who will show us the way as we become teens and young adults. Unfortunately, because of sin, that often doesn't happen and we end up building our lives on our own strength, struggling the best we can to make life work for us. Even if our parents did a fantastic job, our focus ends up being survival, struggling to get what we want or need. Maybe it is to be successful in a career, or to even be a good mom or dad. It could be trying to figure out how to pay the bills and put food on the table this month. Sometimes it means just figuring out how to make it through the day without giving up completely, I think we have all been there at one point in our lives. We end up putting on what I call "boots of strength". These boots are created by each of us throughout our lives and as our needs change we reshape them to "fit" us and meet our needs. But God has a different plan for us! Remember, He prepared our life ahead of time and we often disregard what He has for us. We just put our "boots" on every morning and go about our day. What about the life He prepared for us? Do we just disregard it and go about fulfilling our own needs and wants? Is that what God planned? I don't think so!
I encourage you to take off those "boots of strength" that are heavy and uncomfortable, they weigh you down and keep you in your "stuff". These boots were created with our own personal strength and they really aren't as steady, stable and strong as we would like to think they are. Surrender to Father God, grow weak in your own strength so you can enjoy and rest in HIS STRENGTH! You can't have both. If we are strong in our own strength then Christ can't live through us because we try to take over. Put on the "SHOES CREATED IN CHRIST JESUS". They are easy to wear and they feel really good. At first, it feels wimpy and weak, but after you do it a few times it gets easier and easier. Then you come to the point that it is something you long for, a desire to be weaker and weaker so Christ can become stronger and stronger through you.
Be "weak" today so Christ can be "STRONG" in your life.

Rolling Thunder and Hot, Big Dog Breath!

2008-08-05T04:43:00.000-07:00

Upon returning to the field, I made a commitment to myself and to God that I would have a time of prayer and reading of His word on a daily basis. Even if I could only spend 15 minutes, I decided that I had to do this. I had been doing it stateside, but sporadically towards the end of our time there. So, I set big goals for myself and amazingly I have stuck to them.
I have never been a morning person, in fact I would be the one that sleeps until 10am and then stays up til midnight. However, I am finding that my favorite time of the day is from 5am to 7am. I long for the morning time when I can get back in His word and saturate my mind and heart with the knowledge, wisdom and grace that God has for us.
This morning I awoke at 3:30 to loud, rolling thunder. It was pouring raining outside, hard rain and lots of it. The thunder was so big, I do not think I have ever heard thunder like that. Our youngest, who is almost ten was promptly in the bed with us and our "middle" dog (she is in between the other two dogs in age), who is a 60lb chocolate lab and the biggest chicken of them all, was whining to come in too. I brought her in and got her settled on the floor beside the bed. But she would not lay down, she insisted on putting her face right up to mine as I tried to go back to sleep. She had hot, big dog breath, and she would not leave me alone. I had to at least touch her with my hand. She wanted someone to comfort her, she was scared. Once everyone was settled again it was almost 4am. The thunder was still rolling and the storm was not letting up at all. I decided that this might be the best sleep of the night, so I curled up and tried to drift off, with one hand resting on the dogs head.
Not a chance, each time I began to drift off again, the thunder would clap again and the whole process started over with the dog. She would breathe hot, big dog breath in my face again and whine. So, we layed there for about an hour repeating this process of drifting off, thunder clapping, hot, big dog breath and whining. Finally at 5am when my alarm went off, I got up and put the dog outside. The rain had let up, but the thunder was still rolling. It was incredible to hear. The dog didn't last long outside, she wanted to be right beside me. So I brought her into my office and made her lay down beside me while I had my time with the Lord. She was such a nuisance, she insisted on me touching her in some way. She wanted to know that I was there. I started to get irritated, but then I realized, isn't this what God wants from us? He wants us to run to Him and have a desire to be right beside Him, to be totally in His presence? When we are scared, it is easy to run to the Lord, just like our 10 year old ran to us and our dog came scampering into the safety and shelter of her "master". But when we are not scared and life is rolling along without big thunder claps, Father God desires us to still be close to Him. Why do we often just run to Him in times of distress? It is an awesome place to be, in the presence of the Father. I know that my God would not get irritated with me for coming to Him as I got irritated with my dog for wanting me to touch her. He always welcomes me with open, loving arms and covers me with His grace and love. God desires us to treat one another in the same way. Sometimes, friends, co-workers, neighbors, etc. come to us and we put them off. We are too busy or too caught up in what is going on in our lives to even notice that they might be seeking shelter or an ear to hear or just a friend to love them along the way. Maybe they need a hug and they don't even know it.
I encourage you to allow God to live through you today. Notice those around you who might need a little shelter, a hug or an ear to listen to them. They might just need to know that there is someone out there who cares for them and to be reassured that they are important and they count and make a difference. Most likely, these people who are looking for this shelter, don't even realize that they are seeking something. Open your eyes and look around you, close your mouth and really listen to what others are saying. You might be surprised what you see and hear.

Steady in the shelter of His arms!

2008-08-04T05:00:00.001-07:00

Good Morning Father God,
It is so awesome to be in Your presence. I long for You when I get bogged down in my stuff, but it seems I can't even catch my breath to call out to You. But I know that You are here with me, even when I can't call out Your name, even when I am too hard headed to call out for You. You are always here. You speak to me in so many ways. Sometime I hear You and acknowledge You and sometimes I ignore You; still depending on my self for peace and security. And then there are other times that I am so far away I don't even hear You calling me. And in all of this, Father God, You are still here, still faithful even when I am not.
I pray Father that You will show me how to call out to You boldly at the first sign of me drifting too far from Your presence. That I will use my voice to reach out to You first in all things not just when things don't go right or I am stressed. Teach me Father how to lean on You when I think I am strong, how to come to You when I am thirsty. How to drink from Your cup and not turn to the things of this world for security.
And Father, I pray for the voice that You have put inside me to be used. Used in the way You desire, used to Glorify YOU!!!
I love you Father God!

Everything Is Still The Same, But One Thing is Different!

2008-08-03T07:04:00.000-07:00

Well, just when I think I have it all together and things are going pretty smoothly, the bottom falls out. I don't know why, but I seem to keep doing the same things over and over again expecting different results. I know that the moment I let my guard down, satan is going to squirm his way back into my plans, thoughts, actions, etc. He did just that.
I knew that returning to the field would be a big adjustment after being stateside for 9 months. I also knew that I have have been through alot of training and my perspective is different than when I left the field back in October. However, I keep forgetting that the field is still the same. Everything looks the same, certain rules and regulations are still the same and people act the same. I knew this before returning and even talked about it with friends, coworkers, leaders in the faith and others, but somehow it has hit me in the face as though I didn't think about it. I am really glad that I talked with others about it before returning. It seems that when we learn something we just expect that others have learned the same thing, at least that is what I do.
My idea of returning to the field was that even though it would be an adjustment, it would be something that I could accomplish without much heartache or stress. God has shown me different. The heartache of life is still here, the same stresses are still here and life on the mission field is just plain hard. But the one thing that is different is I am drawn to the Lord for my strength now. I know that my time on this earth, whether on the foreign mission field or on the mission field in the USA, is time that must be focused on our Father God. Honoring God with my life, this is my purpose on this earth. If I honor God, He will honor me. I pray that my brothers and sisters in Christ can find strength in honoring God in our lives each and every moment. I pray that you all will focus on our Father God and know that He chose all of us to bear His Image!
May you be blessed and may you bless someone along the way!

Bible Bank!!!

2008-07-24T05:00:00.000-07:00

It is amazing to me the hunger that God has put inside of me to read His Word! I have an unsatiable desire to be in it all the time. I have been cleaning out my office at my house and after being gone for 9 months, trust me, it needed cleaning out. I have found so many things, you would not believe. Of course there were lots of things that needed to be filed and more trash than I even want to mention, but the one thing that has stuck out the most for me is the little pieces of paper that keeping poping up with references to the Bible or a quote that touches my heart or is exactly what I need to hear at that moment. These little pieces of paper are mostly things that I have written down, but some of them are things that people have given me.
One thing that I have come across in the last couple of days is a special little "recipe box".
When our friends, who lived in this house before us moved, I found this recipe box and thought, "Oh, I need to send that on to her right away", but as I opened it and began to peruse the "recipes", I found that it was not a recipe box, it was a Bible Bank. She has made it in college and somehow it was left behind in their move. I believe that God's hand was on it and it was left behind for me. I did ask her if I could keep it for a while and she was happy to let me do that. Well, I put it on a shelf as I did many other things. This was two years ago and I was in the middle of doing ministry, trying to get settled in our new home and just the hustle and bustle of everyday life.
Well, this little box has gotten my attention in these days of cleaning. Sometimes I wonder if it is going to just open up and say something. In all the sorting and cleaning I have done, that little box seems to be right in front of me everytime I turn around. I have gleaned so much from this little bible bank that was made many years ago. I don't know how many lives that it has touched in the past, but I do know that it has made a difference in my life just in the last few days and I can't wait to use it more. Thank you Debbie S. for loaning me your bank.
I am continuing to study in James and this morning was all about controlling the Tongue! Well, that fits with the theme of my life right now. One passage that I will share with you really stood out to me this morning as I was reading, I will share that with you here, however I encourage you to go back and read all of James.
James 3:5-12
In the same way, the tongue is a small thing that makes grand speeches. But a tiny spark can set a great forest on fire. And the tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body. It can set your whole life on fire, for it is set on fire by hell itself. People can tame all kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and fish, but no one can tame the tongue. It is restless and evil, full of deadly poison. Sometimes it praises our Lord and Father, and sometimes it curses those who have been made in the image of God. And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth. Surely, my brother and sisters, this is not right! Does a spring of water bubble out with both fresh water and bitter water? Does a fig tree produce olives or a grapevine produce figs? No, and you can't draw fresh water from a salty spring.

May you be blessed and may you bless someone along the way.

Quick to Listen, Slow to Speak!

2008-07-23T08:18:00.000-07:00

He chose to give us birth through the Word of truth that we might be a kind of first fruits of all He created. My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen and slow to speak and slow to become angry, for mans anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevelant and humbly accept the Word planted in you, which can save you. James 1: 18 - 21

May you be blessed and may you bless someone along your way today!

To Talk or Not to Talk?

2008-07-21T04:53:00.000-07:00

One of my "issues" is that I open my mouth and verbage comes out before my brain engages. I am in the process of learning to keep my mouth shut until I can process what I am so desperately wanting speak.
Yesterday was a very difficult day for me. I am finding that I am a super control freak who thinks she has to be right in the middle of everything. I don't believe this is a pride thing as much as it is a trust thing. Sure, I am prideful, God shows me that alot, but I think the trust issue really wrecks havoc on me as I try to let go of things.
Our mission has given us about 6 weeks to get settled back into our home after having been stateside for 9 months and I am going crazy already wanting to jump right back into the fire. Here it is Monday morning, we just arrived Friday afternoon and I am chomping at the bit to get back to work. What is up with that?
Back to my difficulties yesterday; Satan was really working on me with negative self talk. He had a hook in me that just wouldn't let up. His hook negatively affected me and everyone in the house as they all knew that I was struggling with beating myself up. I must make my husband crazy sometimes with all of this. I went to bed last night praying that God would take this negative self talk away. I have tried to do it and I just can't. I am so weak when Satan starts with his garbage that I just fall right in to believing the lies. Then I start talking to myself in the same ways. Making negative comments to and about myself that are just plain not true.
I awoke this morning with a little fresher attitude. I guess Satan went somewhere else last night since I was sleeping, besides he had accomplished what he started out to do, make me believe that I am worthless. He hasn't reared his ugly head this morning, however I am sure that he is lurking in the background just waiting for his chance to pounce on me.
After some time with the Lord this morning, I am feeling a bit encouraged however very "gun shy", as we say in Texas. I found in my bible reading that for all the negative things that we have to say to ourselves, God has a positive answer for each one.
Here are just a few that spoke directly to me this morning:

I say: It's impossible ~ God says: All things are possible. Luke 18:27
I say: Nobody really loves me ~ God says: I love you. John 3:16
I say: I can't go on ~ God says: My grace is sufficient. 2 Cor. 12:9
I say: It's not worth it ~ God says: It will be worth it. Romans 8:28
I say: I am worried and frustrated ~ God says: Cast all your cares on ME! 1 Peter 5:7
I say: I am all alone ~ God says: I will never leave you. Hebrews 13:5

So, as I start my day this morning, I am trusting that God will direct me in my steps and when is the right time to open my mouth and when is the right time to keep it shut. I know that my true voice, the one that God gave me, does not speak those negative thoughts. Those are from the enemy and are not a part of me.

I pray that your day will be blessed and may you bless someone along the way.

Sometimes it takes me a while!!!

2008-07-10T19:59:00.000-07:00

Wednesday night at church, there was a ladies meeting after the Pastor's Bible Study. Usually there are bible study groups going on all over the church, however with summer here things are kind of quiet. For the month of July on Wednesday evenings they are hosting a "Summer Oasis" for women. I was only able to attend the first one as we will be leaving in a few days to return to Haiti, but I know that God made sure that I was there for a reason.
Patty Lincoln, the Senior Pastor's wife at Shandon Baptist was the speaker and she spoke on "Finding Your Voice" I didn't think much about it as the evening began, but as she spoke, I realized that this has been a constant theme in my life for the last 6 months. All the classes that I have taken while we have been stateside have had this voice thingy weaved all through them.
My daddy has always told me that I am "thick headed" and I now believe he is right. Most people who know me will probably agree with this, however I have never really seen myself that way. Yes, some of you are probably laughing right now because you can see my thick headedness very clearly. Well, sometimes it takes me a while, but God does get through that thickness and I am grateful for His faithfulness and commitment to continue the work in me that He has begun.
Thank you Patty Lincoln for the lesson that you gave on Wednesday night and for being the one that God used to finally break through. I am so excited for the journey that God has me on right now of finding my true voice. The one that He gave me.
My desire is to share this journey with those of you who read this blog and I hope that God will use my lessons to make a difference in your lives as he has used Patty Lincoln and others to make a difference in mine.
I am drawn to the passage in Jeremiah 29:11-13
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
May you be blessed today and may you bless someone along the way.
Debbie